


These Lazy Days (Or Darren Gets It Right)

by roseandheather



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-01
Updated: 2011-10-01
Packaged: 2017-10-24 05:39:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/259604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roseandheather/pseuds/roseandheather
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Darren thinks he's Emma Woodhouse, and Chris and Max have the combined self-esteem of a paper sack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	These Lazy Days (Or Darren Gets It Right)

Darren Criss was bored.

If any member of the _Glee_ cast, crew, and assorted hangers-on had known that, they would have immediately turned around and begun running for their lives. You see, a bored Darren Criss was a mischievous, playful Darren Criss, and _that_ spelled bad news for costumes, crew, and anyone who got in his way.

Darren Criss had also been watching entirely too many romantic comedies of late, and was now going around humming, "Matchmaker, Matchmaker," from _Fiddler on the Roof_ under his breath. This was an even worse sign, because matchmaking!Darren resulted in scenarios like the fiasco where he locked Heather and Naya in a trailer for two hours ("Darren! _We're straight!"_ ), or Naya and Mark in a closet ("Darren, a closet is not where I want to have sex with my girlfriend!" "...you're _already dating??")_ or Gwyneth and Matt in a bathroom (the porn noises they made to entertain themselves left Chris not speaking to Darren for a week).

Darren, you see, was single, and quite happily so. He was one of those people who was absolutely sure that one of these days he'd meet the perfect girl for him, and until he did, he was happy to cheerfully flirt with anything that crossed his path. But Darren also loved seeing people happy, and combining that with a few too many read-throughs of _Emma_ left him playing matchmaker whenever he could, whether he was right or not.

It hardly needs to be stated that he wasn't often right.

Darren, though, was _just sure_ he was right about this one. He'd seen That Kiss. He'd seen The Look after That Other Kiss. He'd seen the shy smiles and coy glances. And by God, he was going to Do Something About It, because the mooning was getting to be just a little ridiculous. It all reached a breaking point when one of the Beelzebubs whispered not-so-under-his-breath, "So Naya's dating Mark, Kevin's dating Jenna and Max is dating Chris, right?"

Darren had to hide in a corner to do his Victory Dance of Victory away from mocking eyes.

And that, my friends, is how he ended up locking an unsuspecting Chris Colfer and Max Adler in the costume shop late one night.

"Now listen, you two," said Darren, jabbing an emphatic finger at each of them in turn, "this is getting ridiculous. You've been mooning over each other for months. Chris, if you want to hide a crush on someone, for God's sake don't make excuses to be wherever Max happens to be filming as soon as our scenes are done, if I didn't know what was going on I'd be insulted. And Max, stop glaring at me when I kiss the guy. If I were attracted to men whatsoever, I would have a crush on Chris. This is a given. I am not, however, attracted to men, and while Chris is absurdly pretty and possibly too awesome to be real - and a damn fantastic kisser, it must be admitted - I can tell you that I am not your competition, because I just don't go for that kind of plumbing. No offense, Chris. Now, before all the rest of us die from unresolved sexual tension, I am taking steps, because there is absolutely no reason for you two not to be together, except you're both stupidly modest and have the combined self-esteem of a paper sack. Now, if you'll excuse me, I am going somewhere that is not right out this door, where I will not be listening to every word you say."

And the door shut rather pointedly behind him.

When Max finally looked at Chris, the other boy's cheeks were as red as a tomato. Redder, in fact. He was also twisting his hands together and looked shyer than Max had ever seen him - all his sass had vanished, and he couldn't look anywhere but the floor.

"Chris?"

"Um. Darren is a lying liar who lies?"

"Is he?" asked Max, something that was absolutely not hope trembling in his voice. "Because I'll be really, _really_ disappointed if that's true."

"I'm sorry," whispered Chris. "I tried to hide it, I really did, I - wait. You'll what?"

 _Oh. Well, fuck._ Max Adler had never thought himself the type to have his knees go weak, but Chris Colfer gazing at him with the most dazzling mixture of confusion and hope and disbelief and joy he'd ever seen might just do it.

"Be really, _really_ disappointed," repeated Max, his voice gone gravelly. "God, Chris, you're just the most - you're so talented, and you have the voice of an angel, and your smile brightens the whole room, and you're so goddamned passionate and grounded and beautiful, and when you whip out one of those sarcastic lines of yours I swear my heart stops, and you're the best damned actor I've ever seen, and I don't know when I fell in love with you but I really don't want to ever, _ever stop - mmph!"_

 __"Yes, _yes,"_ Chris was whispering against his lips now, " _God,_ can't fucking believe this, Max, you're so _gorgeous,_ you have _no idea_ how hard filming that kiss was, wanted you _so fucking badly,_ god, just wanted to _throw_ myself into it, _Max..."_

It was a mess of tongue and lips and hands after that, both of them grappling and holding like they'd never let go. And if Chris had thought the Kurt and Blaine first kiss had been intense, with all of Kurt's want and need surging through him, acting with one of the best co-stars he'd ever had, well that was great for Kurt but it was just _nothing_ next to Max Adler in his arms as they left each other breathless and weak and wanting.

_"WHOO-HOO!!! I'M DARREN FREAKING CRISS, AND I'M THE MAN!"_

__Helplessly, they began to laugh. Chris pressed his forehead into Max's shoulder, shaking with mirth, and Max peppered Chris's cheeks with kisses as he giggled - yes, _giggled,_ Max Adler giggled like a damn _girl,_ oh he was _never_ living this down - helpless and joyous and beautiful.

" _Go away, Darren!"_ they yelled in chorus, and had to laugh again as Darren yelped and took off running, obviously under the mistaken impression that they'd come after him.

 _Now why,_ mused Chris as he busied himself with kissing Max again, _would we do that when we have the costume shop to ourselves and nowhere to be?_ _Revenge later. Making out now._ And he let his hands slide under Max's shirt, tracing up the smooth, solid planes of his back, and smothered a grin as Max whimpered and bucked up against him.

Much later, as he and Max lay tangled on the couch, sticky and messy, they let their fingers comb idly through each others' hair as they kissed lazily.

"I never thought I'd say this," remarked Max, kissing Chris again, "but I think Darren finally got it right."

"We're never going to live this down, are we?" Chris mourned, pressing a sloppy kiss to Max's jaw.

"Nope. Although, somehow, I find I don't particularly care."

"Max Adler, are you saying I'm worth a little teasing?" Chris grinned.

"No, Chris," whispered Max, serious now. "I'm saying you're worth _everything."_

Wide blue-grey-green eyes met Max's, and Chris kissed him, hard, saying everything he couldn't find words for - _I can't believe this is real_ and _You're all I'_ _ve wanted for so long_ and _I'll always want you_ and _Of course I love you, idiot,_ written in kisses and laughter and soft hands on his skin.

~*~

Darren's pink sunglasses went missing two weeks later, and he tore the set apart looking for them. When he finally found them, they were sitting cheerfully on top of Darren's trailer fridge, a canary-yellow Post-it taped to the earpieces.

The note read simply,  
 _That's for listening._

 __Darren never, ever tried a matchmaking scheme again.

And if he always smiled just a little wider when Max cupped Chris's cheek, or Chris came up to wrap his arms around Max from behind, well - who could blame him?

After all, he was Darren Freaking Criss, and he was The Man.

**Author's Note:**

> I know absolutely nothing about the personal lives of Chris Colfer, Max Adler, or Darren Criss. I don't really want to, either. Obviously, this is not intended to reflect reality (just my very pervy imagination).


End file.
